Why being "nice" is undermining your stakeholder alignment

and what to do instead

Early in my career, I thought stakeholder management was mostly about being nice and persuasive. Making everyone happy. Keeping the peace.

Now I know stakeholder management is about clarity, speed, and strategic decision-making.

The top 3 mistakes I see PMs make:

1. Hesitating to clearly state expectations. When you want another team to commit to a critical dependency, beating around the bush doesn't help anyone. It wastes time. It creates confusion.

Instead, be direct. Say exactly what you need. Explain why it matters. The most powerful conversations happen when you remove ambiguity and work towards a shared goal.

2. Avoiding escalation like it's a career-ending move. This becomes harder to do as you move up the ladder becuase you fear appearing incompetent. Here's the truth: Escalation isn't a bug. It's a feature. Especially in large organizations where teams have different goals and priorities.

When alignment seems impossible at your current level, pulling in leadership isn't weakness. It's strategic when done early, not when dates have started slipping on your project. Top leaders can cut through complexity faster than endless sideways conversations.

3. Trying to incorporate every single piece of feedback you receive. Feedback is a gift. But you're not obligated to accept the entire package.

You own the spec/deck/newsletter. You make the decisions. Not every suggestion deserves implementation. Your job is to listen, evaluate, and choose what truly moves your project forward.

The best product managers don't please everyone. They create alignment and drive clarity, even when it’s uncomfortable.

(PM Unfiltered: Ongoing series about product, strategy, and leadership based on my 10+ years of product building experience at Amazon and Microsoft.)